My apartment

 it's important for the people of the world to know how Americans really live. You've been fed propaganda for so many years it's hard to tell what the truth is anymore. Mexicans have been pouring over the borders praying for a better life in that utopian place called America. But the truth is it looks like what I'm about to show you and so here it is.

 This is the front door. Actually its the only entrance. Notice that it has a reinforced door block. There's actually some very high-tech stuff going on in that picture. Notice the shoe. If anyone should happen to break down the door the shoe is a last resort defense mechanism. You know throw the shoe at him. Then the towel. Incredibly Colorado has approved pot smoking. So the towel helps reduce the stench of pot smoke pouring in from under my door. No I'm not kidding.

This is the study. It is where I reinvigorate my mind with fresh ideas from all the amazing books available.

This is the chair that I sit in most of the time and of course my bed. When the moving men were setting up my apartment one guy commented wow nice mattress. Apparently mattress is an upgrade.

These cardboard boxes contain almost all the stuff that I own in this world. God might make an exception and let me take this with me when I die because there's really not that much there. He might just say I'll let him take the cardboard boxes there's not that much there.

The kitchen

The bathroom tub and shower. I wouldn't sit in that tub but it works great as a shower.

This just happens to be an interesting room. It's supposed to be the bedroom you may not have been able to figure it out from the pictures but my bed is actually in the living room. The bedroom is basically used for the refrigerator my clothes and ironing. Because pot smoke smells worst in the bedroom and the refrigerator is incredibly loud I decided to put all the offending things in one room and close the door. No this is not a joke this is really where I live. Moving right along to the alcohol

Like many people around the world I found it beneficial to keep a large amount of alcohol on hand. It helps to dull the pain of my pitiful existence. And besides I like alcohol.

This is the closet where I keep my clothes. A bunch of them need to be ironed right now and some of them are dirty

I don't bring women to my apartment. The lavish surroundings might go to their head. The second the door cracked open they would have visions of marriage and an opulent life together. No we will have none of that. Women are fantastic. Just not at my apartment.

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